Washington Horror Blog

SEMI-FICTIONAL CHRONICLE of the EVIL THAT INFECTS WASHINGTON, D.C. To read Prologue and Character Guide, please see www.washingtonhorrorblog.com, updated 6/6//2017. Follow Washington Water Woman on Twitter @HorrorDC ....

Saturday, July 08, 2017

Up in the Air

Brittani was back at trapeze school in Southwest, and Glenn Michael Beckmann didn't know what to do with her.  A 15-year-old with an annulled Virginia under-age marriage, still too young to work, uninterested in getting her GED, constantly talking in her sleep about some demon she thinks lives in the basement of Southwest Plaza, and now obsessed with becoming a circus performer!  It could be a year before her scrawny arms and abdomen built up enough muscle to get good at this, and Beckmann was pondering hitting up her father for some money to cover these trapeze school fees.  After all, Brittani's father had a good-paying job working security for Steve Bannon at the White House, while Beckmann's Bad Asses security firm was not exactly making Beckmann rich.  And he needed to pay for a lot of drugs to work out the ever more confusing conspiracies oppressing the United States people!

As his blog (written in code as "Beckmann's Floral Cushions") made clear, Beckmann had no doubt that Donald Trump had been installed by aliens as a puppet king to weaken and confuse the will of human beings so that they would succumb easily to a full-scale invasion by alien overlords.  But the Resistance did not understand this!  The Resistance was still talking about: civil rights; the free press; White House corruption; Trump's kissing Putin's ass in a closed-door meeting; the G20 leaders creating responsible economic partnerships while the U.S. got sidelined by sending Ivanka's boobs, stilettos, & plastic surgery in to negotiate; Melania Trump's talking to Putin at dinner about cyber-bullying (how he got bullied about Election hack) and their new plan for U.S.-Russia cyber cooperation....But far too people were rallying to Beckmann's argument that the people of Earth needed to prepare for the alien invasion.  Trump was just a distraction!

Over at the White House, Brittani's father, Randy "Bubba" Blaylock, was not fully under the spell of Steve Bannon (who had sold his soul to Satan) because Bubba had been wearing a cursed Rolex since he and Beckmann had rescued Brittani from her deranged husband (the previous Rolex owner).  Trump rarely left the country, and Bannon was spying on Vice-President Pence, who was taking advantage of the POTUS absence to run helicopter drills for the 25th Amendment ouster of Trump.  As Bannon grew more and more incensed at the sound of Pence's Indiana National Guard alumni crews choppering in circles around the White House (shooting blanks at the snipers on the roof), Bubba was starting to worry that his time in the White House might end prematurely--before he could usurp that damned fashionista Gunther Zimmer as Melania's lover.  That was the reason Bubba was rummaging through the bedroom that served as Melania's closet (she needed a 20' x 20' closet) trying to find incriminating evidence against Zimmer. It was then that he found Zimmer's sewing basket and realized it had no normal thread:  only the clear nylon parachute thread used by Navy Seals.  "Who the Hell is this guy?!" he exclaimed out loud, not thinking to check the sewing basket for CIA bugs.  (The CIA does not spy on U.S. citizens, but considers Melania Trump an illegal alien.)

Meanwhile, a Congressional caucus was running a covert helicopter operation of its own:  that is, to say, certain rogue members of the anti-Zombie caucus had used Zombie-fighting activity as a cover to commission a helicopter for a non-Zombie purpose.  So, while Paul Ryan was busy telling sleeveless reporters to put on more clothing in the July heat and humidity, and Mitch McConnell was again postponing the Obamacare repeal vote so that Republicans could first purchase stock in the health care companies that were going to benefit from the bill, Congressman Herrmark's Chief of Staff, Ann Bishis, had ordered the helicopter to transport into the country the Syrian Kurdish refugee twin brides of Herrmark's twin bodyguards, Nick and Costas, from an offshore vessel.  Ann Bishis had never flouted a law in the manner she was flouting the Trump travel ban, but Greek blood (hers and that of her cousins, Nick and Costas) was thicker than water...or anything else.  And so it was that Syrian illegal aliens entered the country in a helicopter that was supposed to be fighting Congressional zombies.

Out on the river, Barbara Hellmeister (out of her job as mistress and Special Science Adviser to Donald Trump since the arrival of Melania and dismantling of the White House science office) sat in the bridgeman's quarters not far above Ardua of the Potomac, stroked her Trump/Hitler DNA-infused womb, and pondered her next move.

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COMING UP:    Triple agent Charles Wu walks 
delicate line as Beijing cracks down on Hong Kong
and begins revenge for U.S. arms sales to Taiwan.

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