Washington Horror Blog

SEMI-FICTIONAL CHRONICLE of the EVIL THAT INFECTS WASHINGTON, D.C. To read Prologue and Character Guide, please see www.washingtonhorrorblog.com, updated 6/6//2017. Follow Washington Water Woman on Twitter @HorrorDC ....

Saturday, July 01, 2017

The diary of FBI agent Dulles Samuelson

It's nice to see Angela napping in the sunshine, soaking in some sunshine and salt air.  She's had so many bad dreams lately, though I liked the one she had last night where Obama declared a 2020 Presidential run and Trump went completely out of his freaking mind!  

So glad I passed the six-month probation mark at FBI!  What an insane time to become an agent.  When I started, I had the typical rookie assignments, but things have changed a lot since Comey got fired.  Most people were labeled friends-of-Comey or not, and the newer people like me are the only ones viewed as neutral.  I'm not neutral at all, but I keep my mouth shut most of the time.  People start talking about the partial travel ban now in effect?  I'm a sphinx.  People talk about Trump's lawyer withdrawing the threat to go after Comey for leaks?  "Really?" I say, like I hadn't heard anything about it at all!  People talk about the legality of Trump's having a re-election campaign fundraiser in his hotel building he's leasing from the federal government, I just say, "that's for the lawyers to figure out."  People talk about Trump's flirting with the Irish reporter or denigrating the MSNBC reporter?  I just raise my eyebrows in a way that can be interpreted any way they want to.  Comments on Eric Holder's Tweet encouraging FBI and DOJ to stay strong for duty, honor, country?  I tell them I'm not on Twitter!

But the "WSJ" Trump-Russia collusion article that came out?  That was different.  Things went berserk at the Bureau!  That was no "Clinton News Network" #fakenews story--it was the freaking "Wall Street Journal"!!  Everywhere you went, somebody had taped a copy to a men's room mirror or pinned it to a kitchenette bulletin board.  It might disappear for awhile, then reappear again.  I finally caught one guy in the act by accident:  Atticus Hawk from the A.G.'s office!  He started sweating, then saw my name badge and relaxed.  "Your dad was a CIA agent, right?"  I asked him how he knew that, and he said his was, too.  

Then he asked me to pass some information to Mueller about Jared Kushner!  Finally!  I'm in the loop!  Of course it was in a sealed envelope, so I didn't really learn anything.  The Russian bank stuff?  Blackmailing Joe Scarborough?  I guess I'll find out later.  

I tried to ask him about why the GOP budget will zero out funding to the Election Assistance Commission while this new Pence-Kobach voting commission is asking for detailed voter roll information from every single state in the country, but his brow beaded up again and he said he had to rush off to a meeting with "General Sessions".  "General Sessions?" LOL!!!  I would have loved to tell him we call the Deputy A.G. "Dagwood", but I'll save that for next time.

The truth is that some FBI employees are lawyers and some are not, and when I do hear conversations about this stuff, it can be pretty confusing.  If DOJ goes nuts, what does "law enforcement" even mean anymore?  Arizona's ex-sheriff Arpaio is now on trial for ignoring a federal court order, but Trump has been lambasting court orders for months and his supporters think Arpaio should have been appointed head of the FBI!  If Trump actually ignores a court order, what happens?

On the drive from DC to the beach, I asked Angela if what the FBI is doing even matters in the bigger scheme of things:  demons, ghosts, all this crazy stuff out there.  She said those worlds aren't supposed to overlap, and I still need to do what's right in the one I live in.  I guess that's what she is:  a sheriff trying to enforce the rules against overlapping.  I know she's been going into the Dreamtime a lot, so I asked her if she's discovered that it's not just Trump and Bannon who sold their souls to Satan.  She looked really sad and just nodded.

Meanwhile, back in DC, TFFT (too fat for television) reporter Holly Gonightly was filming a segment on "Circus Life" at the Smithsonian Folk Life Festival on the National Mall when temporal lobe epileptic John Doe suddenly pointed at the swinging trapezes and began screaming, "The arc of history is bending!  The arc of history is bending!"  Then he fell into a silent trance, listening to the ghost of Henry Samuelson.

COMING UP:    Donald Trump meets with Vladimir Putin
to talk about the Trump-Russia collusion nothingburger,
 #fakenews, garbagenews, witchhunt!  
(....And Slavic babes.)


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