Washington's secret haunted house party!
Ghost Henry was the first to arrive, since he was always happy to win brownie points with Angela, his one-time Project Cinderella. Then Ferguson and Regina showed up from the White House, with Ghost Dennis not far behind. Then a large contingent of The Shackled showed up, followed by Ghost Pippin.
"Fergie! Reggie!" Ghost Dennis was already trying to rein in the twin pre-schoolers from running amok, but Angela told him to let the imps run wild. Soon they were overturning chairs, swinging on the dining room chandelier, and chasing Ghost Pippin (a deceased cat) while making loud barking noises.
Just as Angela had anticipated, the resident ghosts became enraged at this invasion of their home, and came flying out of the attic in a fury--only to be met by the stern admonitions of the Shackled that it was time for those ghosts to go seek atonement for all the evil they had perpetuated in this house.
What Angela had not anticipated was that Joey had broken his promise not to tell anybody at school that they were going to have the craziest Halloween haunted house party ever held in D.C., much less anticipated how rapidly this news would spread. The first surprise guest to arrive was real estate tycoon Calico Johnson, with a date from N.U.T.T.Y. (Nannies United to Take Y-chromosomes). They were dressed as Antony and Cleopatra.
"Are you sure this is the right place, Cal?"
"Yes! They said it was a secret, so I guess that's why they don't have any decorations outside."
"It's a lovely house!" his date replied, and they went inside to discover Angela de la Paz lying down on the living room sofa in a trance.
"Well, that's kind of creepy," said Cal. And then Regina and Ferguson shoved the coffee table into has shins, and his date screamed.
The next guest to arrive was Slow Man, dressed up as a yellow banana. "It's so quiet in here!" he exclaimed, hoping there would be karaoke. The ghost of Henry Samuelson recognized him immediately as a spy, and began interrogating Slow Man about his Kurdish contacts in Turkey, which to Slow Man sounded like faint whisperings in his ears. Slow Man had no peripheral vision in the banana suit, and kept spinning around trying to figure out who was talking to him. Ghost Pippin took advantage of Ghost Henry's distraction to urinate ghost pee on Ghost Henry, who screamed and threw the cat across the room.
Then Judge Sowell Ame arrived, with his 10-year-old niece in tow. (She was dressed in some type of "Frozen" costume which he didn't understand, and she had insisted her uncle wear his chamber robe, carry her magic wand, and pretend to be a Hogwarts wizardry professor.) Now Judge Ame did not live very far away, and he had his own (not too troublesome) ghosts--which had followed him to this party, and were quickly accosted by the resident ghosts trying to evict them.
At this point, Giuliana Sunstream showed up to take notes, because she would be having a FABULOUS Halloween party of her own in NoMA the following weekend. She and her toy Maltese "Vegas" were both dressed as snow leopards, and Ghost Pippin immediately hissed and jumped up at Vegas with her little ghost claws out. Vegas started barking furiously, leaped out of Sunstream's arms, and landed--with his own claws out--on Yellow Man's banana suit, which started peeling downward.
It was at this point that television reporter Holly Gonightly arrived, cameraman in tow, to film D.C.'s most secretive and amazing haunted house party. Angela de la Paz, who had remained in the Dreamtime up until this point, now jumped up from the couch--because she had to destroy the camera before it captured any ghost images. She used her telekinetic powers to hurl the camera against a wall, shattering it into a hundred pieces, and Calico Johnson's N.U.T.T.Y. date screamed.
"Did you see that?" hollered Gonightly to nobody in particular, as her cameraman debated whether to retrieve his camera or not.
Meanwhile, the resident ghosts were fed up with all the chaos, and somebody had to die! They grabbed the little "Frozen" girl (ghosts aren't very strong, and she was the smallest), and tried to fling her through the dining room window, but Angela stopped her in mid-air and deposited her safely on the floor. Then they jumped onto Calico Johnson's shoulders and screamed at him to kill his girlfriend before she killed him--which sounded to Johnson like the eeriest whisper he had ever heard. He reached out his hands to choke his date, but Angela telekinetically tossed Johnson onto the sofa.
"You will never kill another soul here!" screamed Angela, and the guests all jumped back, not seeing whom she was screaming at. The resident ghosts howled in fury, and flew into the living room windows, shattering them. "You belong in Purgatory!" she yelled even louder, and then she telekinetically started a fire in the fireplace. "Now!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, and commanded them with her hands to go into the fire. Ghost Henry, Ghost Pippin, Ghost Dennis, Regina, Ferguson, and The Shackled surrounded the resident ghosts and started crowding them towards the fire. "Now!" Angela screamed again, with a clap of her hands, and with that, the resident ghosts flew into the fire, which immediately died out. The guests and other ghosts were now silent.
Angela exhaled deeply, walked over to the recliner and sank into it. "You can all go now," she said quietly to the ghosts, momentarily forgetting there were still people present until Slow Man exclaimed how brilliant it all was and began clapping. Angela got back up from the recliner and looked at the other people, who were all clapping now, though some of them with very shell-shocked looks on their faces. "Thank you," she said.
"What do we owe you?" asked Judge Sowell Ame, reaching for his wallet. "That was really scary, and I don't scare easily!" (His niece had peed in her panties, but he didn't know that.)
"Twenty bucks," said Angela, who saw there was a lot of house damage to repair.
"What about my camera?!" exclaimed the cameraman.
"The insurance will cover it, son," said Judge Ame. "And you should know better than to try to film a secret haunted house party!"
"Are there any refreshments?" asked Giuliana Sunstream, who was slowly recovering, and knew she could never outdo these special effects, but had a plan for amazingly frightening bowls of Jello.
Ten minutes later, Angela was finally alone in the house...except for the ghost of Henry Samuelson. She lay down on the sofa and closed her eyes, but that didn't stop him.
"So you sent a couple of evil ghosts to Purgatory--you could be doing more! You should be in Syria or Hong Kong or--"
"Don't start with me," replied Angela.
"You could be saving a lot more lives!"
"By killing, you mean?"
"It's a lesser evil," insisted Ghost Henry.
"I like doing NO evil," insisted Angela. "Go back to the CIA."
"Why didn't you try to make the rest of us leave?"
"You're not murderous," said Angela.
"But I was in purgatory," said Ghost Henry.
"I know," said Angela.
"So why didn't you send me back?"
"I haven't had a vision to."
Ghost Henry laughed, shook his head, and flew away without another word.
Angela lay back down on the sofa, listening to the wind whistle through the broken glass. She had a colossal headache, but the house was finally free.
COMING UP: Leeches.