Washington Horror Blog

SEMI-FICTIONAL CHRONICLE of the EVIL THAT INFECTS WASHINGTON, D.C. To read Prologue and Character Guide, please see www.washingtonhorrorblog.com, updated 6/6//2017. Follow Washington Water Woman on Twitter @HorrorDC ....

Sunday, January 21, 2018

The diary of Jefferson Beauregard Sessions!

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COMING UP:      
After this post, Washington Water Woman will be taking a break from weekly blogging to finalize her television pilot!!!!  
She will continue to Tweet from @HorrorDC .....

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Dear Diary,

Phew!  What a relief to fly under the radar for a change!  I think the President completely forgot about the Justice Department this week!  No angry Tweets.  No angry phone calls.  No blindsides!  Let Congress take the heat for a change!

And I LOVE the government shutdown!  Just me and my most loyal patriots in the building!  I don't have to smile and say hello to a bunch of untrustworthy Deep State people who are probably spying on me for Robert Mueller!  Of course, it is a bit chilly relying on space heaters, and the rheumatism's acting up something fierce, but that's a small price to pay for a more serene work environment.

Now it will slow progress on my efforts to investigate Christopher Steele and Hillary Clinton, but between you and me, I don't have any great hopes of getting them into prison, anyway.  Steele is slippery and English, for one thing!  What are we gonna do?  Get the CIA to kidnap him and put him in a dark site in Poland?!  And this Hillary thing--now I hate the woman, don't get me wrong, and these endless pussy hat women marches are absolutely infuriating!--but the criminal justice prosecutors here keep telling me there's nothing to put her in prison for!  Well, they found a few T's that weren't crossed and I's that weren't dotted at the Clinton Foundation, but it's just chicken scratch stuff!  Charity Navigator rates it 4 out of 4 stars!  The prosecutors tell me if we prosecute anything related to the Clinton Foundation, the Trump family foundation people would end up with prison sentences a hundred times worse!  So it might as well just lie, I suppose.

What's more worrisome is how this government shutdown will slow down the progress we are making to put social undesirables in prison!  Like those reprehensible Black Lives Matter hoodlums who unfurled an anti-Trump banner at Union Station!  Yes, the perpetrators got arrested, but the FBI needs to be bringing down that ENTIRE group!  We can't have people like that terrorizing innocent train stations or voting in elections!  They need to be locked up--ALL of them!

Now on the plus side of this government shutdown, I've already managed to have several quiet meetings that would otherwise have garnered too much attention!  Met again with the law firm drafting anti-trans bathroom bills for states all over the country.  Met with the White Students United--lovely people!  And the Straight White Males in the Workplace group--they are under constant assault by the #MeToo liars and the discrimination liars!  I've got to do more for them.  

And I think I will manage three or four meetings with the Russians this week--thanks to the help of Franklin Graham and the NRA!  Nothing is more important than staying true to our conservative Christian allies in the fight against queers and Muslims!

But best of all, every day of this government shutdown leaves those reprehensible DACA aliens further in the lurch!  They just need to LEAVE already!  They can go to God damned Canada if they're too scared to go home!  As soon as they're gone, we'll kick the blacks off welfare and get them picking cotton and tomatoes again!  That's how we Make America Great Again!  I am sick to death of all these liberal journalists saying that Trump is acting like a kidnapper holding people hostage to get the Wall!  "And who will he threaten NEXT?"  Well, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!  You're lucky those DACA kids are still ALIVE!  

On a different note, Diary, I've been thinking a lot about the Trump physical.  There are rumors that some members of the Cabinet are talking about the 25th Amendment, but I have not been invited to those talks!  What if they're talking about ME, too?  I DID say "I do not recall" a few times at those Senate hearings, but that doesn't mean I'm senile!  And I DO keep seeing a Samoyed roaming around the building that nobody else sees, but I stopped talking about that dog months ago!  I'm sure everybody's forgotten about that!  

Well, I gotta go--Stephen Miller will be here soon to help me write a memo declaring that NO civil rights violations occurred in Charlottesville last summer.  It will be like old times!  He's so smart--I'm sure the FBI Director will agree with whatever Stephen writes.  Stephen went to Duke!  He's a stable genius, that's for sure.

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