Washington Horror Blog

SEMI-FICTIONAL CHRONICLE of the EVIL THAT INFECTS WASHINGTON, D.C. To read Prologue and Character Guide, please see www.washingtonhorrorblog.com, updated 6/6//2017. Follow Washington Water Woman on Twitter @HorrorDC ....

Sunday, June 25, 2017

The Cult of Trump

It had been a very busy weekend for the Seekers' Trump Cult deprogramming efforts, with a large number of concerned friends and relatives' taking advantage of the Steve Mnuchin wedding to kidnap out-of-town Trumpists who had come to Washington for the wedding festivities.  Still, after a dozen attempts, they had only succeeded in deprogramming one investment banker and one event planner (who had been dreaming of getting appointed to her own HUD office).  The weary Seekers were eating supper and drinking beer in the kitchen of their rented Georgetown office space when mercenary Solomon Kane entered, hauling in a long-sought-after target.

"I got a tip from one of his Facebook friends and nabbed him in a Food Lion parking lot," said Kane, who had brought the White House Press Secretary into the building in a large rolling suitcase.  "He should start waking up soon."

"Who is it?" asked the Jesuit professor eyeing Kane's unzipping the suitcase. 

"Sean Spicer," he replied, pulling him out to carry to a Lazy-Boy recliner in the next room.  (This was now the chair-of-choice for Trumpist deprogramming.)

The Lutheran minister let out a low whistle.  "What'll he do to us if we fail?"

"It's not like he'll report what we do," said the Jewish rabbi.  "He's incapable of speaking the truth!"

"He's just misguided, like all the rest," said the Buddhist monk.

"Misguided my ass!" said the Lutheran minister.  "Twenty-one state electoral systems are now confirmed for Russian hacking during the election, and the propaganda state is back to 'crooked Hillary' distraction tactics yet again!"

"Maybe she and the rabbi are right," said the Pentecostal preacher.  "Not everybody is a lost lamb.  We have to consider the possibility that Mr. Spicer is one of the master agents in our long national nightmare."

"On the one hand, Trump seems a little displeased with Spicer's performance," said the Muslim imam, "and he does seem to avoid saying the worst possible lies by telling us he 'hasn't spoken to the President' about such-and-such.  On the other hand--"

"Where is Reince Prebus in all this?" interjected the Jesuit.  "He is somehow in all the photo-ops, but his day-to-day activities remain shrouded in mystery.  He is the one that brought in Spicer.  Does he give Spicer the marching orders?"

"Ugh," shuddered the Lutheran minister.  "I can't even hear terms like 'marching orders' anymore.  Everything sounds more and more like Nazi Germany.  More white supremacist attacks this week that Trump completely ignored!"

"And the Muslim girl's memorial burned in Dupont Circle," sighed the imam.

"Bob Mueller expanded his team, visited Capitol Hill to explain his investigation, and he's now getting branded a Democrat operative--despite being a registered Republican!" said the Buddhist monk.

"But Trump is out there doing fundraisers and campaign rallies for a second term!" cried the Hindu priest.  "It's more like a third world tin pot dictatorship!  He admits lying about Oval Office tapes to intimidate a witness, and the GOP ignores it and unveils another Obamacare repeal bill with billions of dollars in tax cuts for their donors and no health care at all for the most vulnerable in our society!"

"Those unfortunate people dragged out of wheelchairs to get arrested, all because they wanted to speak to Senator McConnell," said the Lutheran minister, shaking her head.  "Nazis!"

"You're tearing this country apart!" screamed the Pentecostal minister at the still comatose Sean Spicer.  "You are denying the Holy Spirit!"

"How much tranquilizer did you give him?" asked the Jewish rabbi.

"None," said Solomon Kane.  "He fainted when he saw the needle.  "I think he just doesn't want to wake up."

"You people need to wake up!" shouted the ghost of Henry Samuelson to open the meeting of the Ghost CIA across the river in McLean.  "The living CIA is not going to remove Trump!"

"Why should they?" asked a recently deceased analyst.  "They get to waterboard again, run black ops in Afghanistan again, get another crack at Iran with an actual coup d'├ętat plot!  They're having the time of their lives!"

"They've sold their souls like everybody is doing," groused an old Soviet hand.  "Turn a blind eye to Russia and get anything else you want!"

"I disagree with Henry," said a former counter-intelligence expert.  "The CIA is doing everything they can to get the collusion info out there.  It's not their fault the GOP is drunk on one-party rule!"

"Democracy is dead!" cried Ghost Henry.  "We need to take matters into our own hands!"

"What can we do?" wailed a former double agent from Romania.  "We only have a few good poltergeists as it is, and they're all deployed to North Korea right now trying to mess up those rocket launches!"

"And the White House ghosts are just making Trumpworld crazier than it already was!"

"We're out of our league, Henry," sighed the old Russia hand.  "The KGB has gotten the last laugh on us after all."

"This is not over 'til the fat lady sings!" declared Ghost Henry.  "And since the politically correct people say nobody can be called 'fat' anymore, nobody's singing!"

Out in the river, Ardua of the Potomac would have snickered at the impotence of the Ghost CIA, as well as the living CIA, but she was unnerved by the sight of Lynnette Wong and Angela de la Paz staring intently down on the demon from Key Bridge and whispering about their next move.

The diary of FBI agent Dulles Samuelson!


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