Washington Horror Blog

SEMI-FICTIONAL CHRONICLE of the EVIL THAT INFECTS WASHINGTON, D.C. To read Prologue and Character Guide, please see www.washingtonhorrorblog.com, updated 6/6//2017. Follow Washington Water Woman on Twitter @HorrorDC ....

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Goblin Life

'You're the goblin," said Theresa to Larry.

"What are you talking about?! The goblin is obviously a woman," protested Larry.

"You have a girly voice," added Buckner.

"I do not!" protested Larry.

"I'm the pretty one," said Melinda.

"None of us are the goblin, you morons!" exclaimed Cedric. "And we're all the pretty girl!"

"How can we all be the same person?" asked Buckner.

"Because it's a story, and the goblin trapped us all in it by magic," said Cedric.

Dr. Leo Schwartz stepped back from the eavesdropping point and returned to Hue Nguyen's office in the Arlington group home for the mentally challenged.

"And this all started with a You Tube video?" the psychologist asked the social worker.

"Yes, doctor," sighed Hue Nguyen. "It's a short fantasy film posted by a budding director. Do you want to see it?" The psychologist nodded, and Nguyen loaded up "A Goblin's Tale", by Peter Dukes, on http://youtu.be/bsgzKpW5PdY .

After it concluded, Dr. Schwartz said, "Alright, the goblin traps the woman in a book or story or whatever. What's the big deal? They look at plenty of other kooky stuff on the internet. Some of them painted their faces blue for weeks after they saw 'Avatar'!"

"This is different," said Nguyen. "Freddy Ritchings has the same books on his bookshelf, we have the exact same couch in the living room, we have the exact same lamp in the dining room, we have a weird door like that to the closet under the stairs, and Melinda looks a lot like Tiffany Giardina. They are all suffering the same delusion right now!"

"That's clinically impossible," said Dr. Schwartz. (Nguyen looked at him dubiously.) "Not in general, but in this house, it's clinically impossible: Freddy and Cedric alone have egos way too strong to join in any group delusion--they would argue against it just to be contrary. And they were arguing about the details, so it's only a matter of time before the delusion collapses. C'mon--let's go see where they're at now."

The two returned to the hallway leading to the living room of the Arlington group home.

"The story is an allegory of purgatory and medieval glory!" shouted Freddy (AKA "Brother Divine" of the International Peace Movement). "Trapped by a goblin, we live under medicine that blinds us to everythin' we ever believed in. Reality does await beyond the gate because blessed fate is never late!"

"I say we set fire to the house!" exclaimed Cedric. "It's a fake house, and we're not really in it, so let's torch it, and then--."

"Ladies and gentlemen!" exclaimed Dr. Schwartz. "You're correct--you have all been trapped by the goblin, but I can get you out!" (Nguyen shook her head in disbelief.) He walked over to where Millie was curled up next to the radiator and pulled the enormous brown dog up by the collar. "This is your salvation! You have always known that Millie possesses magical powers. When she licks your face, you will be freed from the spell." Nobody moved, so he looked over to the social worker, who dutifully walked over to the dog, bent over, and submitted to a face-licking. Theresa and Larry then followed suit, followed by Buckner and Freddy, then finally Cedric. "Well-done, Millie!" said Dr. Schwartz, who led the group in a round of applause for the dog.

A few minutes later, Dr. Schwartz was out in his car, watching the film again on his iPad. Maybe they are stuck in somebody else's story? A parallel universe or....?

Inside the group home, Cedric watched Dr. Schwartz through his upstairs bedroom window, still thinking about burning down the house.

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