Deer Overboard
Coast Guard officer Marcos Vazquez was on the phone to Puerto Rico, trying to explain to his mother why Homeland Security thought it was important for him to be stationed in D.C. "Si', Mami." Yes, he was explaining again--he spent yesterday helping the D.C. patrol boatmen chase down deer swimming in the Tidal Basin. "Porque, Marcos?" Lord if he knew why. He knew someday he would look back at this and laugh, but there was something really disturbing about seeing deer swimming crazily out of the Potomac River. It was supposed to be him a few weeks ago, if those triathlon officials had not decreed there was too much crap in the river, and now it gave him the creeps.
Dubious McGinty could have told Vasquez what happened. From his perch in the abandoned drawbridge office, he had seen the catbirds whooping at the bucks until they were so disoriented that they jumped into the Potomac. Sensing Ardua's insidious presence, the bucks swam hard to get away from her, and were still pulling like bats out of hell when the officers finally yanked them out of the water and into the boat while bemused tourists and annoyed beavers watched from the Jefferson Memorial.
Today, they were still talking about it at the Arlington group home for the mentally challenged, 24 hours after their outing to the Tidal Basin. Social worker Hue Nguyen kept assuring the residents that animals occasionally wind up in the wrong place, and it doesn't mean that the aliens have landed and taken over the world, or that demons live in the Potomac River. "But the deer broke in here last night!" wailed Melinda. "They stole everything, and they're in my head now." She didn't want to take her meds. Buckner was sitting quietly on the couch, calculating in his head the exponential growth rate of the Virginia deer population since 9/11....He knew it was not a coincidence. He wanted to double his meds and stop thinking about all the demons out there. Theresa and Cedric were playing gin rummy and arguing about whose turn it was. In the kitchen, Larry did not notice the pile of napkins catching fire while he was lost in thought about Ardua. He knew what those deer were trying to escape. Maybe he should tell Hue? She was nicer than that psychologist, who kept telling him that Ardua was not real. The smoke alarm went off, and Hue rushed into the kitchen to put out another fire.
Dubious McGinty could have told Vasquez what happened. From his perch in the abandoned drawbridge office, he had seen the catbirds whooping at the bucks until they were so disoriented that they jumped into the Potomac. Sensing Ardua's insidious presence, the bucks swam hard to get away from her, and were still pulling like bats out of hell when the officers finally yanked them out of the water and into the boat while bemused tourists and annoyed beavers watched from the Jefferson Memorial.
Today, they were still talking about it at the Arlington group home for the mentally challenged, 24 hours after their outing to the Tidal Basin. Social worker Hue Nguyen kept assuring the residents that animals occasionally wind up in the wrong place, and it doesn't mean that the aliens have landed and taken over the world, or that demons live in the Potomac River. "But the deer broke in here last night!" wailed Melinda. "They stole everything, and they're in my head now." She didn't want to take her meds. Buckner was sitting quietly on the couch, calculating in his head the exponential growth rate of the Virginia deer population since 9/11....He knew it was not a coincidence. He wanted to double his meds and stop thinking about all the demons out there. Theresa and Cedric were playing gin rummy and arguing about whose turn it was. In the kitchen, Larry did not notice the pile of napkins catching fire while he was lost in thought about Ardua. He knew what those deer were trying to escape. Maybe he should tell Hue? She was nicer than that psychologist, who kept telling him that Ardua was not real. The smoke alarm went off, and Hue rushed into the kitchen to put out another fire.
posted by washingtonwaterwoman | 8:44 PM
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