Mutual Assured Destruction

Condoleezza Rice sat in her Watergate apartment, sipped her IQ-booster smoothie, and looked out her window at the darkening Potomac. A cold wind was hurling black clouds straight at Washington, and Ardua shivered in pleasure at the prospect of cold rain. Rice knew in a few minutes she would have to get up and start preparing for her pointless trip to Asia. No moron in South Korea was ever going to be able to send a nuclear missile anywhere--she had told Bush that repeatedly, and he knew she was the smartest person in the room. The best way to deal with that jackass was to ignore him, which they had successfully done for six years. Who cares if North Korea blew something up underground?! It was just a pathetic cry for attention, like those dunderhead teenagers shooting up their classmates all over the country. Just pay lip service to it and move on. There were more important victories to secure. The starlings nesting outside her window stared at her intently, pleased--but they did not know why they were pleased. Ardua sensed their pleasure and then turned her attention back to the snakeheads she was breeding.

Over at Prince and Prowling, former Senator Evermore Breadman was looking over his bill for the trip to North Korea--which had been successfully orchestrated to skirt all possible federal sanctions. He was making good money from idiot Ko-boys who thought they were buying influence in Washington, the Washington Times would pay to get a sweet inside slam at the commie bastards, no harm done because this nuclear thing was never really gonna fly...plus he got to pick up some more herbs for his damn colon. Everything always worked out right for him. That's why people liked to hire him.

Over in Chinatown, Lynette Wong read the Chinese-language newspaper intently. No herbs could fix that nuclear threat in North Korea...unless she found a way into the new Chinese embassy. Americans did not understand Koreans. Koreans had a lot of scores to settle. The Americans would not be able to stop them, and it would be Asians that got nuked first. It would have to be up to the Chinese....It would have to be the Chinese from the new Chinese embassy...her new customers....Lynette was startled by the sound of a catbird outside the store who had started imitating the sound of a car alarm going off. The catbird glared at Lynette and would not shut up until Lynette went outside and sprayed it with pepper juice. Lynette went back inside and began writing up her plan in careful second-generation English.