Washington Horror Blog

SEMI-FICTIONAL CHRONICLE of the EVIL THAT INFECTS WASHINGTON, D.C. To read Prologue and Character Guide, please see www.washingtonhorrorblog.com, updated 6/6//2017. Follow Washington Water Woman on Twitter @HorrorDC ....

Sunday, June 01, 2014

The Diary of Wince

B. and I are engaged!  Nobody knows but us two.  For one thing, it would seem disrespectful to the people still recovering from the gun attack at her aborted wedding to Trickham, so she doesn't want to tell anybody at Prince and Prowling.

And I sure don't want to tell Justice Prissy Face--ESPECIALLY not him because I'd probably lose my job.  It was hard to explain it all to her, but I think she gets it now.  He thinks I'm a "confirmed bachelor" and I count as a minority on his clerking staff.  My work at the Supreme Court is too important to walk away from.  I write most of his opinions now--he's used to my doing it, and he's an old man, and he trusts me to do the right thing.  I assign the research tasks to the younger clerks, then I give him a brief, then we discuss the case and I give him questions for the oral argument, and then I write his opinion or concurrence or dissent.   My work there is extremely important--you'll never catch Justice Prissy Face making an ass of himself like Scalia did on that EPA fiasco last month!--and B. gets that.  My opinions and dissents are golden!  Justice Prissy Face set a goal to read every James Michener novel during this term, and he's on his last one.  Next term, he's planning to read every Agatha Christie mystery.  That's OK with me:  he's paid his dues, and it's important for him not to retire because GOD KNOWS who President Obama would appoint!  And he's not as old as Ruth Bader Ginsburg, anyway. 

I gave B. a diamond earring instead of a finger ring.  It's all happened so fast!  When I decided to crash her wedding, I didn't even know if it would work.  After all these years, I had no right to try to win her back.  I don't know why I could never stop thinking about her.  She DID like hearing that I never fell in love with anybody else!

She's still traumatized by the mass-shooting at her wedding, even though she won't admit it to me.  I hear her talking about it in her sleep--that's how I found out she's seeing a psychiatrist, because she would be saying "Dr. Esse this" and "Dr. Esse that", and I Googled Dr. Esse and found out he's a shrink.  But I won't confront her about it, if she wants to keep it a secret.  I haven't told HER everything--

Like how I believe Clarence Thomas is a zombie.  She would think me TOTALLY CRAZY if I told her that!  But it's no joke.  People wonder why he never talks at oral arguments!  And why he just does whatever Scalia does!  The man HAS NO BRAIN!  He always has the WEIRDEST law clerks working for him, and they never mix with the other law clerks, and they're always bringing in enormous coolers of food because he won't eat at the cafeteria.  What's he eating?  I'm not the only person at SCOTUS who thinks he's a zombie--the rumor's been swirling for years.  But I can't tell B. that.  SCOTUS clerks have a strict code of silence for how the sausage is made.

But there ARE things I can talk to her about, like how much we love the Koch brothers (the cool ones, not the jerk ones), how Congress has become the most impotent branch of government, how SCOTUS is practically ruling the nation domestically.  (I mean, why would I want to leave?!)

Sometimes we talk about her work at Prince and Prowling, and I'm very proud she made partner there, but, frankly, it's boring talking about her work!  Well, most of her work.  I think she'll be at home with her first baby within a year!  But we still need to work things out.  Having a secret engagement is one thing, but having a secret marriage is gonna be a challenge.  Like, who gets to know?  And if we tell certain people, like her parents, are they going to understand how important it is to keep it secret? 

I tried to tell her that the mass shooting at her wedding was really a sign of how IMPORTANT Prince and Prowling has become in this town!  I mean, most people in this town measure their self-worth in proportion to the likelihood of their being attacked and assassinated.  The more bodyguards you have, the more important you are.  Some Congressmen have bodyguards now--it used to just be the Speaker of the House!  The Fed Chairman--wow, Bernanke was so hated!  The Veterans Administration Secretary would have needed some serious Secret Service protection if HE hadn't stepped down!  And this "Crisis" television show has everybody paranoid.  But lawyers?  Everybody jokes about hating lawyers, but how many actually get death threats and hire bodyguards?  It's a sign of how much power Prince and Prowling is throwing around this town!  That's what I tried to tell her, but she never wants to talk about that shooting.

Or Trickham.  Honestly, I feel sorry for the guy.  I think he was probably a nice fellow, but when I showed up at the altar, she just knew she didn't really love him.  I mean, an English professor?  What is that?!  How can you even respect something like that?  B. is way too ambitious to marry a guy like that.  And his father was a used car salesman!  But she never talks about him, and it's been plenty awkward, what with all the gift-returning and other entanglements she's had to extract herself from.  But I don't spend every night at her place, so I think she'll get on top of it soon.

She has changed a bit, I guess.  She's not as idealistic as she used to be, but none of us are.  She doesn't expect me to be perfect, and that's a big relief!  She's developed a weird sense of humor--like, she always laughs when people make jokes about our country's becoming a police state, or SCOTUS acting like the Star Chamber.  I don't think that kind of humor is funny AT ALL.  I guess I'm still getting to know her again--it's been a long time.  And it does bother me a little that she's been with SO MANY guys, but none of them were as good as me--that's why none of them lasted.

I can't believe Justice Prissy Face is texting me again!  The guy would be lost without me.  He said he's sending me a photo of a brunch menu because he can't decide what to order!  He shouldn't be seen dining with Mark Rubio, anyway, but hardly anybody ever recognizes JPF in public.

Now B.'s ready to go out--more later.


COMING UP:  Who is Mrs. Higgety-Cheshire, really?


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