All Rise

"All rise!"

The people in Judge Sowell Ame's courtroom dutifully rose for three seconds, then sat down again, for the arraignment of Angela de la Paz for attempted murder of the Ambassador of Saudi Arabia.  The Ambassador--who had, in fact, suffered a (thwarted) assassination attempt after Angela was in custody--was not in the courtroom, but plenty of glowering Saudi men were.  Despite the fact that every detective who had questioned Angela recommended dropping the charges, and two U.S. attorneys had already been replaced after protests from the Saudis, a new prosecutor was on hand to make charges.  

Also in the courtroom:  Solomon Kane, Dr. Devi Rajatala, Lynnette Wong, Liv Cigemeier, Camisole Silk (in disguise), Charles Wu (also in disguise), the Warrior (who looked like he was in disguise, but actually always wore buckskin and feathers), and Golden Fawn--who had read about the arrest in the Washington Post "Metro" section.  In attendance was also the author of that story:  Perry Winkle.  Felix Cigemeier, of Prince and Prowling rose to speak for Angela.

Meanwhile, over at the Federal Reserve Board, economist Luciano Talaverdi was having difficulty writing his latest White Paper for Janet Yellen:  "The Red Herring of Income Inequality".  First of all, he was not entirely certain that he understood all the nuances of the American use of "red herring", but he could not find a more appropriate phrase with such a colorful tone.  Secondly, his mother was emailing him every two hours, asking him when he was going to propose to Helen Yellen, whom he had taken to Italy for a two-week Easter vacation.  He liked her just fine, but her connection to the Federal Reserve Chair was, he now knew, far too tenuous to increase his influence.  And he felt more pity for her, than passion.  But she's the best shot I have!  He knew if he did marry her, there was an excellent chance that Janet Yellen would come to the wedding.  And she didn't seem to be reading any of his White Papers!  He deleted the latest email from his mother, and pulled up his paper again.  "Although some have asserted that the United States is still, in effect, only a colony, with a large class of indentured servants beholden to the empire of corporate America rather than the British Empire, this is merely Dickensian revisionism.  While it is true that the world's richest one percent control half of global wealth, the United States is still the best place to create new wealth."  ("By sucking more fossil fuels out of the ground and ruining our climate!")  Helen had argued that with him many times.  ("First it was indentured servants, then African slaves, then cheap immigrant labor--and now they're making a ton of money for destroying our climate!") Talaverdi knew now that Helen was mainly a house sitter for rock stars (rather than a true asset manager!), but she had taken one economics course at a community college and therefore insisted on arguing with the Italian economist about everything!  Of course, a true intellectual knows that criticism forces one to hone a sharper argument, but he was not sure he could stomach that in a marriage.  He sighed, picturing the endless fights they would have about how to raise the bambini.  

Over on Capitol Hill, Congressman Herrmark was calculating his options for getting funding to build a New Dominion Boat Club in Alexandria.  It had nothing to do with his constituents back home, nothing to do with the Holier Than Thou Caucus, nothing to do with repealing the Halliburton Loophole, and nothing to do with his campaign to clean up the fracking which had destroyed his parents' vacation home--but his Chief of Staff had never before asked him for a pet project, and he felt he owed it to her.  Her cousins were his bodyguards, and somehow they and Ann Bishis had helped him avoid what would have been (an unjustified!) public scandal about that Mia girl from Asia.  He had tried to get it into the defense budget, but that donkey already had too many tails pinned on it.  He was either going to have to get an earmark from Homeland Security or get it designated a National Monument.  "How does the Poseidon Auxiliary of the Old Dominion Boat Club feel about hosting undercover Coast Guard officers?" he asked Bishis.

Meanwhile, the ghost of Henry Samuelson was finally back at the CIA, after a lengthy and difficult Ghost CIA mission to extract his daughter Henrietta ("Button") from a dangerous mission to Crimea.  Ghost Henry was still pissed off that the Heurich Society had pressured Button to immerse herself in the Black Sea Revolution Project--an extremely risky project in every sense of the word.  Worse, he knew she was still too naive to understand all the implications of this reckless plan engineered by that bloodsucker, Condoleezza Rice!  So-called Russia expert!  All she knew was from books and memos!  Rice had never lived and worked behind the Iron Curtain as he had.  But no matter how hard he tried, Ghost Henry could never get through to Button--she never heard a word he said.  Now here he was in the CIA Director's office again, trying for a breakthrough with John Brennan.  "Listen to me!" Ghost Henry shouted, and Brennan suddenly jumped out of his chair and screamed for security.  Great:  now I need to go back to whispering.

Back at the courthouse, the prosecutor was finished speaking, and the Saudi men burst into applause.

"Order in the courtroom!" shouted Judge Sowell Ame, who picked up his gavel and threw it at the turbaned contingent.  The Sergeant-at-Arms marched menacingly over to the shocked Saudis, retrieved the gavel, and silently handed it back to the judge--who, this time, pounded it on his desk.  "Order in the courtroom!"  And without further ado, he turned to Angela de la Paz and her attorney, Felix Cigemeier.  "How do you plead?"

Angela rose slowly, fixed her gaze on the judge, and focused her supernatural power on convincing the judge to free her.  "Not guilty," she said.

"Not guilty!" repeated the judge.  "Case dismissed!"

"Your honor?!" protested the shocked prosecutor.

"Case dismissed!"

"Is there a finding?"

"Case dismissed!  That's the finding!"  Judge Sowell Ame pounded his gavel a final time, then rose to leave.

"All rise!" cried the Sergeant-at-Arms, but this time only Angela's friends jumped to their feet.

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COMING UP:  Charles Wu hires a new nanny.