Washington Horror Blog

SEMI-FICTIONAL CHRONICLE of the EVIL THAT INFECTS WASHINGTON, D.C. To read Prologue and Character Guide, please see www.washingtonhorrorblog.com, updated 6/6//2017. Follow Washington Water Woman on Twitter @HorrorDC ....

Sunday, March 19, 2017

The Earth is flat!

"He's not gonna fix it!"

"He IS gonna fix it!"

"He's not gonna fix it!"

"He IS gonna fix it!"

"Whatever is IN the Trumpcare legislation, that's what's going to happen, sir!  You will LOSE Obamacare, and you will NOT be able to buy insurance again because of your recent cancer treatment."

"It was only melanoma!  I've worked hard all my life on construction sites!  It ain't fair those Mexicans got darker skin!"

The Buddhist monk waved aside the Episcopalian priest and sat down to take a turn in another round of Trump cult de-programming by the interdenominational Seekers.  "Sometimes people say things which are untrue," he began.  "For instance, when Trump said climate change was a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese."

"It IS!" interrupted the construction worker, who had been kidnapped by Seekers special agent Solomon Kane at the request of his cousin, a nurse at Sibley Hospital.

"When Trump was challenged about saying that, he denied he ever said it, even though it was a statement in a publicly posted Tweet.  This is what we call being caught in a lie.  In Buddhism, we call it--"

"Don't gimme your mumbo-jumbo New Age crap!  I'm a Baptist!" exclaimed the construction worker, who hadn't set foot in a church since his father's funeral in West Virginia fifteen years earlier.

"You voted for a man who promised to abolish the health insurance program which covered your cancer treatments.  If the legislation abolishes it, Trump cannot wave a magic wand later and find a new insurance plan for you."

"He's making  America great again!" the construction worker said, though not as loudly as before.

"What will actually improve for you?"

"Those Mexicans will be deported!"

"And then what?  Will you work twice as many hours on your current construction site to do their work as well, and earn twice as much money?"

"We can only work during daylight hours."

"Will they pay you more?"

"Maybe not, but the project will last longer for me."

"Or maybe they'll just loosen their standards and hire more ex-cons, or take on high-school dropouts who will do it for half of what they pay you.  Maybe they'll cut corners to get things done faster with fewer people."

"They can't do that!  OSHA's got rules for construction sites!"

"OSHA?  OSHA won't be enforcing any rules in the Trump Administration."

Not far away, the Assistant Deputy Administrator for Carnage had been in his State Department office all weekend, trying to do the work of several career diplomats summarily dismissed by Secretary of State Rex Tillerson within a week of his confirmation.

"Hey, you need any help there, cowboy?"  (It was the source employee known by triple agent Charles Wu as "C. Coe Phant", standing in the doorway.)

"Not from you, Indian," replied the ADAfC, with a sneer.  "When those budget cuts come through, we'll all just have to live without your amazing talent," he added, sarcastically.

"Oh, I don't think so," said Phant, with extremely false bravado.  "See, I know things about Tillerson," he lied.  "Who do you think leaked that email alias he used to discuss climate change?"  (It had actually been Charles Wu, thanks to his agent "the Tarantula".)

"Whatever," said the ADAfC.  "Didn't change a damned thing.  Exxon lied about climate change--everybody already knew that."

"You think it's a coincidence that came out the exact same week Tillerson went to Beijing?"  (It was not, but, again, Phant had no clue why.)

"Crap comes out on this Administration daily.  Who even has time to keep up with it all?"

"The Chinese--that's who!  If somebody can't save face in front of the Chinese--"

"Whatever!  I've got policy directives to get out to our embassies."

Phant was getting frantic.  He had been completely out of the loop on the Asia trip, knew nothing about current NATO affairs, and was spending most of his time trying to find Trump campaign donors willing to be ambassadors anywhere beyond the English-speaking world.  "Look, I can't lose my job!" he cried suddenly.  (He was already exhausting his savings to pay off the high-flying credit card balances he formerly covered with payments from Charles Wu--back in the days when Phant actually had useful information to sell.)  "Can't you make me your Associate Deputy Assistant or Assistant Associate Deputy or--"

"Here," said the ADAfC, handing Phant his house key.  "Go buy me groceries and toilet paper, clean the bathroom, change the sheets, vacuum the carpet, cook me dinner, and gather all my clothes to take to the dry cleaner in the morning.  Then I'll think about what I can do for you."

It was then that Phant vowed to himself that, if he was going down, he would take down the entire State Department with him.

Back at the shuttered Georgetown retail space they were using for Trump cult de-programming, a tag team of a Jesuit professor and Jewish rabbi were into their third hour working on a Florida woman.  (She had been flown up on her husband's private jet under heavy sedation after he had heard about the Seekers.)

"Sebastian Gorka is a documented Nazi," the rabbi repeated.

"That's fake news," she replied yet again.  "Those photos are all fake."

"Your great-aunt was murdered by Hungarian Nazis."

"Trump has nothing to do with that!" she protested.

The Jesuit took his turn.  "Jewish community centers all over this country are getting bomb threats because of the rise of white supremacists emboldened by the fact that Trump never renounced the Ku Klux Klan and has filled his cabinet with Breitbart racists.  Kushner is like a rich Jew buying his way out of Nazi Germany, heading to Israel, and to hell with the rest of them--they can live or die!"

"That is offensive!" the woman snarled.

"Yes, it is!  That's why Gorka needs to be fired!  That's why Bannon needs to be fired!  That's why Trump needs to show he cares about American Jews at least as much as the Jews in Israel!"

"They will never accept us as white!" interjected the rabbi.

"They know Jesus was white, and he was Jewish," she replied.

"Do you also believe the Earth is flat like that other Floridian, Shaquille O'Neal?"

"Well, if Trump says so, I wouldn't at all be surprised."

Her husband ran over at that point with a wild look in his eye.  "Well, where's the corner then?  You show me the corner of the Earth, and we'll both jump off and kill ourselves!"

Outside the store, some river rats headed into the sewer to report back to Ardua of the Potomac.

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COMING UP:  
The Alt-Alt-Alt blog of Glenn Michael Beckmann!

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