Washington Horror Blog

SEMI-FICTIONAL CHRONICLE of the EVIL THAT INFECTS WASHINGTON, D.C. To read Prologue and Character Guide, please see www.washingtonhorrorblog.com, updated 6/6//2017. Follow Washington Water Woman on Twitter @HorrorDC ....

Friday, April 27, 2012

River of Dreams

Chloe Cleavage walked slowly out of Prince and Prowling with her cousin, Chloris Cleavage.  Chloris--an actress--was in town for the upcoming White House Correspondents' Dinner.  "Kim Kardashian and Lindsay Lohan!" Chloris said again.  "There will be so much publicity!  My career could really take a big jump.  If only I could find out what they're wearing."

"Just bribe a maid at their hotel," said Chloe quietly.

"Ha, ha!  That's funny!" said Chloris, whose method of helping Chloe deal with the accidental death of her boyfriend, Pierre, was total-distraction-all-the-time.  "Look at those birds!  Look at those flowers!  Look at this guy--is that David Axelrod?"

"You know about David Axelrod?" asked Chloe.

"I Googled 'white house celebrities' before I came--your office is so close to the White House!"

"Pierre longed to be invited to the White House to meet the President," said Chloe, wistfully.  (It was like the time that Wolfgang Prowling had died, and Chloe knew she wasn't directly responsible, but somehow it kept haunting her.)

"I'm going to try to get a photo of Pierre autographed by the President, just for you," said Chloris.  (Chloe made a funny noise in her throat, but no words came out.) "Look at that hideous coat!" exclaimed Chloris.  "Have you ever seen anything so revolting?!"

 A couple miles away, Liv Cigemeier was thinking the same thing.  (Have I ever seen anything so revolting?)  Bo-Oz Consulting's secretive 5G experts were in the midst of a lengthy presentation to International Development Machine, and they were currently showing close-up photos of dismantled pigeon eggs.

"The egg white is used for protein supplements, the egg yolks are used for omega-3 supplements, the shells are used for calcium supplements, and the egg albumin is used like collagen in cosmetic and medical products.  Pigeons, as you know, are freely available in nearly every city on the planet.  Their eggs can be harvested by our clients for free, meaning pure profit after processing.  Vive l'oeuf!  Viva el ovo!"

"They still have labor costs and machinery costs, don't they?" asked IDM's only economist.

"Our proposal to USAID is that they grant the money for the machinery and training costs.  The poor people get no direct salary, but a share of the income," said the Bo-Oz consultant.

"A share?" asked Augustus Bush, President of IDM.

"Perhaps 50% to IDM, 25% to Bo-Oz, and 25% to the laborers.  There are pigeon eggs almost everywhere there are poor people:  you can set this up in any country on Earth."

"But who wants supplements from pigeon products?" asked Momzilla. 

"That's the beauty of it!' exclaimed the Bo-Oz consultant.  "You can call them 'dove eggs', because it's basically the same thing."

 "If you can do this anywhere in the world, it will be easily replicated all over the place," said Liv Cigemeier.  "The prices will plummet on the products sold."

"Well, USAID will probably only pay enough for a few projects, anyway, and only for a couple of years.  You'll get good money upfront."

"And so will the poor people!" boomed Augustus Bush, rising from the table.  (His progress since moving from the U.S. Virgina Islands to Washington had not been as meteoric as he would have liked, and this project was not exactly going to help him leapfrog over his relative, Jeb Bush, to the top of any Vice-President wish lists, but he was a patient man.)

A couple miles to the east, Judge Sowell Ame--not a patient man--was in his Superior Court chambers.  This is it.  He had read the briefs, he had read his clerk's memoranda, he had read the previous judge's clerk's memoranda, and it was inconceivable that any additional pleadings could be filed on this river case--which had dragged on for decades.  He popped another Oreo cookie into his mouth.  Hundred-year anniversary of the Oreo cookie.  Sowell!  Concentrate!  He tossed the half-eaten Oreo packet onto the couch.  More like a love seat.  Ha!  Just once I'd like to have the nerve to tell the attorneys, "Sit down on the love seat!"  They hate sitting there--too crowded.  Sowell!  Concentrate!  He took several deep breaths and prepared to make his Decision.  I've been leaning against Prince and Prowling's client ever since I first saw this, but what Friends of the Potomac Pelicans says really makes sense.  If I rule in favor of P.P.'s client, it's going to piss off some very powerful people; on the other hand, there will be some happy non-profits, and P.P. itself.  He stared at his diploma for a moment, then pulled out a nickel from his drawer and did a coin toss.  Head's!  P.P. wins it!  His gut told him it was the right decision.

 A couple miles to the south, Coast Guard officer Marcos Vazquez checked the latest weather forecast for his shift on the river tomorrow, and he didn't like it.  On the other hand, turnout would be smaller, which meant less possibility of mischief from Ardua of the Potomac.  Is this what it's come down to?  I actively hope for fewer people in boats?

Don't let the demon of D.C. keep you off our beautiful river!



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